Invitation to Love

Summer, 2022 / No. 49

Hi there, my name is Stuart.

I’m forty-one. I have brown hair—

at least I used to have brown hair,

it’s grey now. I have brown eyes—

well, I used to have brown eyes,

but I poked them out.

I’m five feet nine when I’m standing straight,

though normally I’m hunched over.

I don’t really believe in astrology,

but I’m a Cancer, which seems appropriate,

and I was born in 1959, the Year of the Pig,

which explains the condition my apartment is in,

although I did do a couple of dishes last week,

before I got distracted. Things I enjoy . . .

I enjoy moping about the state of the world

and worrying about missile attacks

by rogue states,

and I enjoy just spending an evening by the fireplace,

thinking about leaping into it

because of how depressed I am.

I also like to drink alone

and watch Meat Loaf and Pat Benatar videos

on MuchMoreMusic. I consider myself

a nature person and have a dead

plant on my windowsill,

but I’m not sure what kind it is.

I am employed, and I love my job

but fear I may get fired anytime soon

because they’re always downsizing.

I’m looking for that special someone

who will say nice things to me

because my self-esteem is so low

(it’s off the scale in this psychology test I took

that’s named after two German psychiatrists),

and basically I’m looking for someone

who I may be able to drag down with me.

If you’re interested, get back to me, and

maybe we can work something out.