Where Have All the Johnny Cowboys Gone

Christmas, 2001 / No. 7

“The trouble with you is you don’t love me.” —Kevin Quain.

I’ve discovered recently

that the Devil is really just

Death in disguise;

Death and I go out for

coffee every afternoon, and he

tells me how much

he hates his job,

never gets a vacation,

and the pay just doesn’t make

up for it—and he only gets

to do a little devil work

on the side, people

do enough of it

on their own

he tells me my days

are numbered if I stay with you,

losing a pint or two of blood

every week from sewing your clothes

and giving in to your fetishes

So I pack my bags, me and

Death hit the highway for Vegas—

he’s always had a dream of

retiring as an Elvis impersonator,

and I’d be quite content

playing poker all day and

looking for my Nevada cowboy—

who only ties up horses

and knows how to treat a lady