The amateurs
digitally fumble
performing
a threesome
on my screen
An elbow bumps a thigh
a knee jerks
hits a chin
She says aaah!
He says ohhh!
I can’t tell what the
other gal
is thinking
Her body mimes
something approximating
ecstasy
Then I see it
when the camera shifts
I look closer
at their bed
Their bed!
It’s just like mine
I compare our
Ikea faux white iron
Leirvik bed frames
Ninety-nine ninety-nine on sale
A bitch to assemble
with those tiny
Allen keys
The amateurs finish up
all three apparently
satisfied
I lean back
against an identical
headboard
and click Replay
This time
the first woman winks at me
The guy
beckons
Hand to my chest
I whisper: me?
The other woman
raises her eyebrows
as though to say
Her? I didn’t agree
to a foursome, folks
I don’t like her attitude
I press Pause
plump up pillows, press Play
Gal No. 2 says:
It sags
What? I ask
The bed, dummy
The other two ignore us
kissing and rubbing
writhing and moaning
but she slips off the bed
comes in for a close-up
It’s cheap, she says
Not enough support
for a good quality mattress
I wish I’d sprung
for a Brimnes
Its generous storage compartment
could hold my bedtime reading
I know what you mean
I reply with wide eyes
This one is so princessy
underside drawers
is way more practical
Live and learn, she says
I nod at the sage advice
We say goodnight
I bookmark her
so we might
meet again