If I Were an Eggplant

If I were an eggplant,
I would go to the theatre
and watch movies all day long,
because no one ever asks an eggplant
to pay for a ticket
and even if they did,
where would I keep my money?

If I were an eggplant,
I’d probably be upset
a lot of the time
because people would often mistake me
for a zucchini.

Wouldn’t that upset you?

If I were an eggplant,
I would sneak into adult stores
(you know the kind I’m talking about)
and I would disguise myself
as a dildo
and be taken home
as a housewife’s plaything.

If I were an eggplant,
I would free my people from oppression
and march to the capital,
demanding equality for all vegetables no matter the colour
   of their skin,
their religious beliefs,
or their ability to go well with poultry.

If I were an eggplant,
I would do the right thing
and divide myself
to feed families
who, in turn,
would look beyond
my purplish appearance
and appreciate eggplants
for more than their ability
to dream of greatness.

—TREVOR DAVIS

(Originally published summer, 2003.)